These past two weeks have pretty much been an exercise in losing perspective. Starting with our road trip to NJ to visit our kids, I really fell off the diet wagon. I almost quit Weight Watchers. After tasting freedom from dietary restrictions, not even considering my gluten and dairy restrictions, I did not want to go back to counting points and accounting for every morsel.
I had a real battle with myself this morning after gaining another 1.8 pounds. I know some of that is water weight, since I got on the scale two days ago, and had lost the .2 pounds I gained the previous week. I went a bit carb crazy in the last two days, and that can make you retain water.
I really thought about quitting. I’m tired of the bouncing scale and the constant struggle. I’m tired of the additional restrictions. Being gluten and dairy free is hard enough, but add to that having to give up all of the things I love, and it becomes a real battle. What turned it around for me is that an old friend of mine commented on the above picture that I posted on Facebook: “you look great, have you lost weight? ”
“Yes, I said, I have.” Yes, I have struggled for every ounce. Yes, I want to lose more. Having lost 12 pounds, and then putting back almost four, is really discouraging. Bouncing weight is bad for your health. But it’s a war, and I have lost this recent battle. The war rages merrily on.
Sometimes I think, wow, I can really see the weight loss. And then, sometimes I think, I still look fat, especially when I turn sideways, and from certain angles. I have a permanent belly from scoliosis and a past surgery. Women tend to have poor or distorted body image. Blame unrealistically sized models, celebrities and airbrushing. But being overweight is not healthy. I need to find my way again and be accountable.
I am newly determined to reach my goal of a twenty-pound weight loss. I am just shy of halfway there, again. The free for all is over. Back to counting points, weighing and measuring and making friends with the scale again, both the bathroom and kitchen varieties.
It is weigh in and reward Monday. So I made a batch of gluten-free brownies (which I will review separately), froze all but one and ate it with gusto. Even though I lost the battle, I still rewarded myself for coming through it with new resolve. Thank you to all of you who have commented your support and shared your own struggles. Thanks to my old friend who helped me change my outlook. And thanks most of all to my husband, who told me this morning that it was completely up to me if I wanted to continue losing weight, and for listening to me rant about why I wanted to quit, and for supporting my decision, no matter what.
Stay tuned for updates!